Weddings and mushrooms and school.....oh my!

It's nearly 11 and I'm lying in bed, desiring sleep, but unable to make it happen. Several reasons behind that, most of which will be addressed in the following.

I'm halfway through the first week of insanity. And I'm still kickin - always a good sign. (By the way, this post is going to be a bit scattered, my apologies.) Today I had my first and biggest ATI. Thankfully, I passed, with a level 2. A little irked that I didn't get a level 3 (only missed it by about 3 questions), but glad I passed it regardless, after hearing from several of my friends who didn't. Check one thing off the list. After the test I went to lunch with a couple of my friends, Karianne and Jessica (ironically we went to Charlotte's, first time I've actually gotten food there). Then the three of us headed over to the Key Club, Jess and I stayed for about four hours. I'm surprised by how much I actually enjoy going there. It's hard to see how the people are, and to know how to respond to them, but at the same time they inevitably make me laugh like crazy. Not to mention I'm becoming quite the expert at Uno. Oh, the key club is an adult day care, for Alzheimer's patients. Some of them are in the earlier stages and can still communicate and function pretty well, but some of them are pretty advanced. It's hard, and makes me terrified to grow old. But that's a whole different topic.

I went home this weekend (it's looking like I'll be going home nearly every weekend for the next month or so), and it was pretty darned eventful. First thing - Jellybean had her calf. It was a super difficult birth, took a few hours, first with just her trying to push, then Brent trying to pull her, then eventually the vet coming out and hooking her up to some sort of contraption (mom compared it to a wench) which finally got her out. She's big. The next few days consisted of going out early mornings and later in the day to put the two of them together - Jellybean wouldn't feed the calf, kicked her and threw her across the pasture (I honestly can't blame her for not really liking the thing, I mean after the pain the calf caused her it had to be hard to have any fond feelings). But gradually she warmed up to her and they're now working fine. Phew.

The weekend was also, of course, wedding-filled. Thankfully the wedding invites are basically done, and I have to admit that though they were stressful, they went a lot smoother than I had anticipated. I meant to get pictures of all the things separate, before we started working on them, and then an after shot, but this is all I ended up getting. A little description though: everything was separate, needed work to be able to use it. Stacie and Brent ordered the brown paper pre-cut, but of course we ended up doing it differently than they had thought they would, so we had to re-cut it all. Everything was typed up on my computer (I've learned better how to align stuff, but I despise it. Terrible stuff for a perfectionist to attempt.) Then we had to cut all of them, all of the RSVP cards, all of the slits in the brown paper. Had to cut the ribbon to the right length, then cut a smaller piece off of the ribbon to tie around the middle of it, then tie all of them, straighten them, tuck each end in, and glue it. Then Stacie had to address all the envelopes, put on labels (which of course we printed out, don't get me started on the problems with those), put on stamps,  etc etc. Yeah. It was a lot of work. Stacie and Brent really did most of it though. Kind of happy we did it, it's really neat to look at them now, but it was an awful weekend for it.

 

Also this weekend I went mushroom hunting. Woot! Found 34 the first day, then a quick trip the next day got 5ish. It's the first time I've actually been able to go for about 5 years, and I loved it. Love the fact that I still know my woods like the back of my hand, though a lot has changed.


Unfortunately, there were some consequences to my trips in the woods, much of what's keeping me up now. Okay, so I realize that this is pretty much my own fault, but in all fairness I haven't got poison ivy since I was like 12. So naturally, I don't take much precautions to it, I see it and I know it's there, but it's just another weed to me. Yeah....something went wrong this time. I noticed an itchy line right under my lip (almost on it) on Sunday but didn't think much of it. But really, my lip? Come on mother nature. Cut me a break. Somehow whatever it is (I still don't want to believe it's poison ivy) has spread to my chest, my belly, my leg, my arms, etc. I was fine with it until I woke up with an itchy eye this morning....which has developed into itchy bumps right under my tear duct on my left eye that are driving me nuts and my right eye is starting to itch like crazy too. Unfortunately can't put any cala-whatever lotion on them. Meh. We'll see what happens.

Oh and it was my brother's birthday this weekend too. Happy birthday big brother :)










We didn't have a number 2 candle....so yeah, we made one out of paper. Then lit it on fire. And that's a Ritter's cake :)

Almost there

SO. It's Thursday, April 14. Officially two weeks of "classes" then finals week. Good gravy. I'm so ready for this semester to be over, but at the same time, it just keeps going. I cannot wait for the end of this month, when I will essentially be done, none of us can. It's all we say - "three more weeks" or "I can't wait for May." Bbbuuuttttt. Here's the kicker. Finals week is May 2-6 (technically, more on that later). Then summer classes start on May 16th. And with that comes 5 hour lectures since we'll have 16 weeks of work crammed into about 10 weeks. Plus I'll have 3 clinicals, some of which will be entire weekends spent in Indy. Oof. I'm too brain dead to even think about doing all of that. But here's the good news. Here's what the next two weeks will consist of (school wise that is):

- 2 gero clinicals
- 1 OB clinical evaluation (basically just talking about the semester over lunch, none too shabby)
- 2 med-surg MetiMan clinicals
- 2 regular exams (Med-surg and patho/pharm II)
- 3 ATIs (which are the big things, pass/fail type of stuff)
- 8 more volunteer hours for gero
- 3 case studies
- 1 gero paper
- 1 gero journal (technically like 16 entries...kicking myself for putting that off)
- 3 sets of remediation cards for the ATIs

Not too bad right? Then after that is finals week. Most of my classes, well just two I guess, are using the ATIs for our finals. I'll have a final in gero for sure (that counts for 50% of my grade after not having lecture since March 7th, I could vent/rant for days about that class). The only other possible final is in patho/pharm II, but if I get a level 2 or higher on that ATI (and I better, there are only three levels and level 1 is basically failing) then I don't have to take the final in that class, unless I want to (ha.). SO. If everything goes as planned, I'll be done on May 2nd, after my gero final in the morning. Which gives me nearly two full weeks off. Woot! Which will probably be spent cleaning the barn or scraping and painting the fence, or working on other wedding-related stuff. Eh. Could be worse. As long as I can read a book and occasionally sleep in, I'll be happy. Ha, I'm sure you all wanted to know exactly what my school life consists of, my bad.

Here's some lyrics to the song that I'm taking as my theme song for the rest of the year. If you haven't seen The Princess and the Frog, I suggest looking into it.

"And I'm almost there, I'm almost there
People down here think I'm crazy, but I don't care
Trials and tribulations, I've had my share
There ain't nothing gonna stop me now 'cause I'm almost there"

In other news, we're getting chicks! I think Dad ordered 50ish, not really sure, but I know that he got fun ones, the kinds that lay colored eggs and have funny feathers and such. And we'll have calves soon (hopefully). I feel like the stinkin' cows have been pregnant forever, not really sure when they'll actually drop. I'll admit - I'm a little excited to be here for the summer. It'll be the first full summer since the one after my sophomore year. I was taking classes and working that summer too though. [I also realized the other day that this is my first Midwest spring since 2006. Can you say mushroom hunting?!] Sadly, I don't think being in a demo derby will get checked off my bucket list this summer even though I'll actually be here for the fair. Mom pointed out that we don't have a car anymore (we usually always have at least one derby-able car sitting around), and that I'll have classes, and that the wedding will consume the summer. I secretly think that she just wants to make sure I'm off of her insurance and on my own before I ever do it :) Oh and she pointed out that I was already in my own derby this past fall (when I totaled my car). Very funny Mom.

There's also all the wedding stuff, that's taking up a large portion of my plate now. This weekend is apparently operation Stacie's wedding invitations. Yeah...she still hasn't done them. I told Mom that she and I should start an invitation making business, we're getting plenty of practice. I even said we could get Meg to do photography and make it a big combo wedding package business. Got a bit of a death stare in response :) But really, I'm doing better about all of the wedding stuff. Better attitude. Not going to write much on that, it would all come out wrong.

Well I'm off to do all this stuff on my list instead of just writing about it. Oh, I may also make this thing public again. The permissions stuff keeps messing up and, well, it's starting to just seem kind of silly to me.

Alive

I'm tired. I'm exhausted: physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I'm overworked overwrought overFibro'd. I'm over it. Sick of weddings, sick of school, sick of the endless refrain of signs and symptoms and labs and values in my head. Sick of going through the check out line and instead of seeing candy and tabloids, seeing the man's clubbed fingernails and worrying about his oxygenation. Sick of worrying about every dime I spend, calculating every gas-tank-fill-up grocery-store-stock-up over and over until I can't add or subtract or think clearly enough to write right as right and not write. Sick of measuring and remeasuring and worrying about 4 inches or 4 and a quarter/is it in the middle/will they be able to tell/will it be good enough/am I ever going to be okay with this/will they last together/what will happen if they don't? Sick of hurting. Sick of wondering what it would be like to not have a headache to not wake up and hurt too much to move to bite into an apple to feel 22 to run a mile and not feel it for the next 62 to not be afraid to touch or hug or wrestle or dance or fall. Sick of poor attitudes. Sick of being angry. Sick of longing for joy and being frustrated that I can't find it or figure out where it went or how it did or why or if it'll ever be found again. Sick of ignoring things so vital to me, of them taking up residence on the back burner. Sick of being okay with them being there. Or telling myself that I am. Sick of needing perfection, of it never being good enough. Of spending hours to clean out my car instead of one, of spending days making invitations that could've just been bought and done, of a 99 never comparing to a 100. Sick of asking questions that I cannot answer, of shouting frustrations at the sky. Sick of not acknowledging the fact that some questions will never be answered. Sick of running for/from that reason.

And yet somehow, someway, it's days like this, weeks like this, the ones that are so desperately hard, that make me feel so very alive. Make me realize just how much I've done, how far I've come, things that I can do. Walking in my woods and seeing the new greens, the new paths deer have made just since last year, the new life. Cranking my radio up and singing my heart out in old shorts and a t-shirt with a shop-vac for a microphone in the middle of my parents' front yard - and not caring what anyone thinks. Knowing that I've made something with my own two hands that people will get, will see, will [hopefully] appreciate. Knowing what clubbed fingernails mean, what a WBC of 14000 means or why a person's heart shouldn't beat 150 times a minute. Hugging my nephew and hearing about him flying. Having a scrape a foot long down my leg and foot because I went into the woods in shorts and chacos and yes, I did fall. Getting back up. Knowing that simple scratch is more significant to me than a new pair of jeans would ever be. Laughing until I cry at a friend's recollection of pizza on her butt. Being tired when I lay down at night because I did something with my life that day. Dancing like a fool and not caring. Air drumming. Reconnecting with an old friend because of an accidental text. Giving my mom her shots. Passing my classes. Putting in a Foley, putting in an NG, starting IVs. Making someone smile. Smiling. Being able to wake up in the morning. Being alive.

Honestly, I could go on and on about either side of the spectrum. The point of it is: I'm alive. I'm living. And no real life is going to come without pain, no real joys without heartaches. Yeah, my life kinda sucks sometimes. Until I step out of my perspective and see that wow, my life rocks. It's just hard to have the strength to do that sometimes.


These are some pictures of the invitations that Mom and I made for Stacie's bridal shower. Despite all of the frustrations, loud discussions, anal retentiveness, I'm really glad we did it. And a little proud. Please forgive.

And this, well this is just one of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite movies. Always makes me smile, most of the time laugh. Love.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tJoIaXZ0rw
(sorry, had to link it, but I assure you, it's worth watching)

What I'm loving Wednesday!

So.....normally I don't ever do these type of things, but I feel like this post should be something positive, and for that I may need a few guidelines. Thanks go to Natasha for introducing me to it :)

I'm loving.....70 degree weather. Seriously.

I'm loving.....the smell of brewing coffee. Don't worry, it's decaf :)

I'm loving.....pulling up my calendar and it showing all the rest of my classes for this semester at once - only three and a half more weeks in April!

I'm loving.....waking up to a phone call from Chris because he couldn't remember what time we were supposed to be at school. And getting to tell him he was there an hour early....and getting a "son of a b____!!" in response. Bahahaha 

I'm loving.....practicing IVs!! I know it sounds weird, but we got to practice a bunch today and work with MetiMan scenarios. Reaffirms that I want to be doing this, that I enjoy it. 

I'm loving.....the library. A-maz-ing. The one here is probably my favorite one of all the places I've lived and had a card (the count is currently at five, by the way :) Let's just say my music collection has expanded greatly in the past few months. 

I'm loving.....my friends. They may be far away, but just talking to them makes me uber happy. 

I'm loving.....the cardiovascular system! Okay....not really....but that's my way of incorporating what I'm studying...makes me feel better about the fact that I'm not actually studying :)


Okay, that's it for now, gotta try to get some sleep so I can spend the morning cramming more for the exam. Night friends!!