There is something about the night that I absolutely love. I don't know that I would be able to put it into words, but there's just something about the dark, the stillness, the knowledge that you are awake while most of the rest of the world is sleeping. In that darkness something else is illuminated - or maybe it's just that I'm able to see better somehow without all the distractions, all the things that the daylight hides. Strange, that. Maybe I've just never lost that little kid wonder at what happens when everyone is sleeping. Regardless, something in me loves insomnia, detrimental though I know it is to my body. Tonight I was actually okay with the idea of going to bed at a "normal" (maybe that's it, I just like to rebel at the thought of normal) time, but I put on my TENS unit (or Tim, if you prefer) late, so I'm staying up so I can leave it on for longer. Trying to be better with that.
I hadn't realized that it'd been so long since I'd written anything on here. You may have to suffer through a very long post, or a couple of rather broken up ones, because I have so much to say. A lot has seemed to happen in the past few weeks.
First off, I got to go to Arkansas. Dear goodness. I have been so blessed (please forgive the word usage, or perhaps just allow it; it still tastes funny in my mouth, but it is something I am finding my way back into) with the people in my life. My family has grown to an alarmingly large number, and they are unfortunately spread far apart (geographically). Anyway, I was able to see some of them in Arkansas. Leaving was a funny sort of thing. I got the idea in my head and I was starting to freak out about the next week of school, and I nearly ran out. Not literally, but it wasn't really planned to be that way - though nothing was really planned. For the first couple of hours back, I fought the urge to just turn around and go back, shrug off my silliness, and stay another day. If living without them is hard, having them back and then having to leave them again is horrid. But I am thankful for the time we had together - and hoping to get back in a few weeks. I was afraid that I had changed again, that they would have changed. Last time we were apart for a long time - two summers ago and part of the fall - I had become a nearly entirely different person. I still have a fear of doing that, of changing in different directions. But I think that so much of our lives have become intertwined, that even if we wanted to shake off the others, we wouldn't be able to. About the weekend though, it was really good. There was a lot going on on campus about gay rights kind of. A big hubbub that morning about an electronic magazine called the Zine, I encourage you to check it out: http://www.huqueerpress.com/ As soon as the website was put up, Harding blocked it on their internet. While I don't know the stories behind each article, and therefore their unquestionable validity, I do know that I believe in listening to others' stances on things, whether or not you agree or vehemently disagree, whether you think (in this case) it's genetic or a sin. Regardless, the door has at least been cracked for these issues to be discussed. Now it's just going to take a persistent pursuing of the conversation for it to happen. I was able to go to a concert at the Underground by a group called Emma's Revolution, and a conversation afterward. I also encourage you to give them a look/listen: http://www.emmasrevolution.com/ I missed a large part of the conversation though, as I was had to calmly get up, walk away, and tackle someone :) Well worth it though, in my opinion.
The week that I came back to was one of utter stress. It was probably one of the worst weekends for me to take the trip, but it was the one chosen and I don't regret it. I had 3 exams, a newborn assessment, two case studies, a care plan, 4 ATI exams due, and one big "assignment." I slept very little, studied more than I have any other week this semester, and consumed far too much caffeine. In conclusion, I survived. But I definitely wouldn't want to relive another week like that one. Alas, I am in nursing school and surely will. December 2011. It's close.
Friday the 11th was my first 'official' day of spring break, and it was a pretty darned good one. I slept in, got up to clean/pack/dance, then went to the school to volunteer (don't think too highly of me, there was extra credit involved). On the way there I saw a sign for a book sale, so when I left I drove around trying to find it - only to end up back right across the road from school. Irony. But anyway, I spent at least an hour there, bought 7 books, 4 records, and a game for Dylan - all for three dollars. Yep. I love stuff like that. Kind of broke my book hiatus, but I'm okay with that. After that I went back home then left to tan (wedding, 'nuff said). It's kind of fun, I'm getting to know the people there and we all generally have some fun conversations. The sun was just starting to set when I left so I decided to drive down by the lake, something I hadn't done since last semester. It was absolutely gorgeous, the surroundings and the sun setting over the lake. There are some of the most beautiful (and huge) houses I have ever seen in that area. I'm always kind of taken aback though, there is a stark difference between that area and the area around more of where I live. To go from such beautiful, landscaped, huge properties to the dirty, dingy, rundown buildings in a matter of minutes is so strange to me. How can any one place contain two such different cultures? I realize this is the norm, not a rarity, but it's something that I cannot get used to. And in all honesty, I hope I never do. I do not want to become desensitized to things like that. I also don't want to separate myself from either end of the spectrum, which is a hard thing to do.
Alright, my battery's threatening to die and I'm hoping to get up early tomorrow so I'll call it quits for now. More to surely come eventually.
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