Your monthly notice

Well here we are in August. Maybe I should just aim for one post a month; I seem to do pretty decently at that. I am home, back in the house that I grew up in. It wasn't the original plan (do things ever go according to the original plan?) but here I am and I'm not sure when/if that will change for the next couple of years. I feel useless, pointless, blah - which is a bad place for me to be. I got home from Colorado on August 2nd and have been just that since - home. I start school (yes, again) on Monday. I am nervous, excited, exhausted at just the thought of it. I am being a horrible sister, but I can't find the willpower or patience to change that. I hoped to come home to a sister, but found that she isn't really here anymore. I don't know how to find her. I don't know if I have the energy to try. I miss my friends already; I think it's going to be harder on me than I thought, them being there and me being here. All of us continually moving in different directions. When JQ left Colorado, it hit me that that was the last time that we would live together. Probably ever but at the very least for the next 3+ years. Thinking about that makes me feel sick. It's a cruel thing, this making friends and saying goodbye. This is quite the depressing entry isn't it? Meh, I blame it on late nights and friends leaving and arguing with the people I love. On the random update note - I'm currently living in Justin's old room and it is a complete disaster. I don't think I used to be this much of a slob, but it seems as though I've become quite good at it. Funny - I accidentally typed snob instead of slob. Who knows, maybe that is true too. I hope not though. What else? Justin's house is really nice (although kind of messy because he still hasn't truly unpacked). There isn't an extra room yet because of a paint hold up, but maybe someday I'll have a temporary home there. That'd be good for sanity I think. He does have a pool though, which I consider to be free game :) I'm still plagued by this horrible homesick feeling - and I have no idea what it is that I'm sick for. It comes and goes as it pleases, sometimes taking me by such surprise and force that I just stop and close my eyes. What am I missing? I'm almost afraid that it is the ideas, the beliefs, the love that I have given up. Why am I afraid? I'm not sure that I want them back. Or that I want the baggage that comes with them. Hm. For now though I'm going to have to leave you on this confusing and rather depressing note, because I am tired. And a certain 7 year old demands that I get up at 6am tomorrow.