12/21

I prayed today.

Argh!

So I'm having a bit of a problem. I desperately want to write and feel like I'm going to burst with all I have to say, from my surgery to recent experiences to my family to upcoming Christmas to my little random tidbits that I inevitably have. I even have plenty of time to write, which is generally the main thing working against me. So what is the problem then you ask. Ah. Yes, well, you see I currently only have use of one of my arms, thankfully my right, dominant, one. My left is in a splint/cast from my knuckles to my mid upper arm. Ergo, I am chicken-pecking (a big pet peeve of mine) with just one hand. This is proving to be very time consuming and prone to typos. (For example, what I have written to this point has taken me nine minutes. Yes, I timed it. The use of the backspace key proved to be impossible to count.) So though I am irritated to the extreme with all of this, I;m afraid this will have to suffice for now. I'll include some pictures (sans captions, just to keep you guessing) to liven things up a bit. 

A brief exclamation, often containing only one word: “Oh!” “Gee!” “Good grief!” “Ouch!”

So this is a bit of an interjection - both as an exclamation and as a thrown in the middle sort of thing - to the other post. Just a I need to write or I'll lose my mind sort of thing.

I am a mess. Absolutely. Why? I'm not entirely sure myself. But I know that I'm angry and hurt and upset and feeling awfully directionless. I had a bit of a confrontation with Stacie tonight. I was in my room and she in hers, when she came in to talk about some Christmas present for Brent. I had been, and still was, crying and she noticed saying What's wrong? I kind of shrugged and said something along the lines of Oh life, to which she responded by proceeding to talk about what she had come into the room for. I tried to respond as necessary, until I couldn't because I kept crying. Ugh. So she asked again what was wrong and I attempted to try to tell her. She was fiddling with her shirt and flipping open her phone and slowly inching back to her door the entire time. Now granted I am a bit of an emotional wreck at the time and I already had all of these pent up feelings toward her. So they kind of.....came out. Not nearly as eloquently as they have been formed in my head over the past several months. Not at all. And I didn't say everything that was bothering me, but I'm assuming she got the gist. It's hard telling though, seeing as how she shook her head and walked into her room with a I'm not dealing with this, and shutting the door. I waited for a few minutes to try to calm down but then went to her room to try to talk to her. She was already on the phone when I went in so I waited for her to get off before trying to tell her where all of this was coming from. She doesn't care. At all. Good grief that hurts. More than everything else that I was already upset about. I said that I hated not having a sister for the past several months to which I got a pair of rolling eyes. For saying that she had no idea what was going on in my life and that she didn't care, I got a shaking of her head and another glance at the cell phone. I can't keep doing this. Tomorrow is the day for cutting ties, so maybe I'll attempt to toss that one aside as well. Only family don't tend to be easy to get rid of.

Argh. As usual, understand that this is just a lot of frustration coming out. I hate only writing when I'm upset or angry, but that seems to be all that I've done lately. I'm sorry for that. There are joys in my life, but right now I'm in a bit of a valley. And writing is my most productive/beneficial way of dealing with it.

For something of a happier note, I'll include this. I went on a wonderfully romantic date Friday night. I know, some of you are probably frantically checking this page to make sure you are on the right person's blog. Yeah yeah. But I did, and it was fun. A cabin by a pond, christmas lights and a campfire, a meal with wine, music and impromptu pseudo-ice skating, and the unplanned adventure of catching the deck on fire. And of course good conversation with a good friend. But it's a bit bittersweet I suppose, because that's all that he is to me. A good friend. I'm pretty sure at least. Oof. So no, I'm not 'dating' anyone. Nor do I think I will be for awhile. I've realized in thinking about all of this that my life is a bit too much of a mess right now to be asking anyone else to be a part of it. I need to learn what I believe in, find something to grasp hold of, get rid of this bitterness, etc first. And that's going to take a good amount of work and time. Which brings my mind back to all that I was thinking about beforehand, but writing all of this has helped. Thanks for suffering through all of my insanities with me friends, it means a lot.

Oh, a sort of ps. Several of you know this already, but some of you do not. I have wanted to see the musical Wicked for several years now. Well, I found out earlier this year that it was coming to Indianapolis. I was of course psyched. The tickets went on sale October 15th but I didn't buy any because the small snag of a driving inhibiting surgery came up. Argh. I asked Mom and Stacie several times if they would be interested in going, but neither of them really seemed it and I don't want to make them do something they don't want to. So. It opens December 15th (this Wednesday) and the last day is January first. I really still want to go, but am afraid to buy tickets if I can't. So this is just me wondering if anyone would be interested in seeing it. No pressure, it's a bit pricey, and I know some of you have already seen it. Just throwing it out there. Night friends.

Part I

Argh! Of course, been wanting to get on here for awhile, it just hasn't seemed to happen. Blah blah, we all know the routine.

Some fun facts for you: this morning Terre Haute was the coldest place in the nation. For realz. I thought that was pretty cool, and pretty random. It has been dang cold here lately though. Ugh. Funny story on that note - I scraped off my car to drive to Danville Monday morning (my dad, being the awesome dad that he is, started it for me way before I had to leave), but I only scraped where I needed to be able to see, figuring that the rest would melt once I got going, as it usually does. Ha. Yeah, I was that fool driving around in a car that only has the driver's side of the windshield clear. Apparently when it's below freezing outside ice doesn't melt. Whoda thunk. There's a picture of when it was snowing; most all of this snow is still here because it hasn't got warm enough to melt it.

This is (thankfully) the last week of classes. Phew. I've actually only had about half of what I normally do, didn't even have to drive to D-ville yesterday because we didn't have class. I had my last actual class today, tomorrow I have my final test-out for skills lab, then next week I have a paper to turn in online, and only have to go to Danville once, on Wednesday, for my patho/pharm final. Woot! The end is in sight. Well, at least the end of this semester. Only three more to go..../:

So there are quite a few things I want to write about and, surprisingly, a lot of them have pictures. One is silly but makes me happy. When Thanksgiving break started I put school and all things related completely out of my mind. For some strange reason I got on a cleaning kick, and one thing that I cleaned was our cereal cabinet. I found a box of stale cheerios and instead of just throwing them outside like most people would, I decided hey, it's close-ish to Christmas, I should make a cheerio chain. So that's what I did. I don't think I ever realized just how long those things take. I only used about half of what was left of the box and the string was twice my height. I have no idea how long it took me. But I decided to be done with it, took it outside and hung it in a tree (which is quite the struggle for someone my height), and took a picture. Voila!

So it's kind of hard to see and it looks a little pitiful, but I sure had fun. This was of course pre-snow.

There's plenty more to write about, but I think this will have to do for now. Consider it part one of promised epic entry. Stay tuned for part two!