A brief exclamation, often containing only one word: “Oh!” “Gee!” “Good grief!” “Ouch!”

So this is a bit of an interjection - both as an exclamation and as a thrown in the middle sort of thing - to the other post. Just a I need to write or I'll lose my mind sort of thing.

I am a mess. Absolutely. Why? I'm not entirely sure myself. But I know that I'm angry and hurt and upset and feeling awfully directionless. I had a bit of a confrontation with Stacie tonight. I was in my room and she in hers, when she came in to talk about some Christmas present for Brent. I had been, and still was, crying and she noticed saying What's wrong? I kind of shrugged and said something along the lines of Oh life, to which she responded by proceeding to talk about what she had come into the room for. I tried to respond as necessary, until I couldn't because I kept crying. Ugh. So she asked again what was wrong and I attempted to try to tell her. She was fiddling with her shirt and flipping open her phone and slowly inching back to her door the entire time. Now granted I am a bit of an emotional wreck at the time and I already had all of these pent up feelings toward her. So they kind of.....came out. Not nearly as eloquently as they have been formed in my head over the past several months. Not at all. And I didn't say everything that was bothering me, but I'm assuming she got the gist. It's hard telling though, seeing as how she shook her head and walked into her room with a I'm not dealing with this, and shutting the door. I waited for a few minutes to try to calm down but then went to her room to try to talk to her. She was already on the phone when I went in so I waited for her to get off before trying to tell her where all of this was coming from. She doesn't care. At all. Good grief that hurts. More than everything else that I was already upset about. I said that I hated not having a sister for the past several months to which I got a pair of rolling eyes. For saying that she had no idea what was going on in my life and that she didn't care, I got a shaking of her head and another glance at the cell phone. I can't keep doing this. Tomorrow is the day for cutting ties, so maybe I'll attempt to toss that one aside as well. Only family don't tend to be easy to get rid of.

Argh. As usual, understand that this is just a lot of frustration coming out. I hate only writing when I'm upset or angry, but that seems to be all that I've done lately. I'm sorry for that. There are joys in my life, but right now I'm in a bit of a valley. And writing is my most productive/beneficial way of dealing with it.

For something of a happier note, I'll include this. I went on a wonderfully romantic date Friday night. I know, some of you are probably frantically checking this page to make sure you are on the right person's blog. Yeah yeah. But I did, and it was fun. A cabin by a pond, christmas lights and a campfire, a meal with wine, music and impromptu pseudo-ice skating, and the unplanned adventure of catching the deck on fire. And of course good conversation with a good friend. But it's a bit bittersweet I suppose, because that's all that he is to me. A good friend. I'm pretty sure at least. Oof. So no, I'm not 'dating' anyone. Nor do I think I will be for awhile. I've realized in thinking about all of this that my life is a bit too much of a mess right now to be asking anyone else to be a part of it. I need to learn what I believe in, find something to grasp hold of, get rid of this bitterness, etc first. And that's going to take a good amount of work and time. Which brings my mind back to all that I was thinking about beforehand, but writing all of this has helped. Thanks for suffering through all of my insanities with me friends, it means a lot.

Oh, a sort of ps. Several of you know this already, but some of you do not. I have wanted to see the musical Wicked for several years now. Well, I found out earlier this year that it was coming to Indianapolis. I was of course psyched. The tickets went on sale October 15th but I didn't buy any because the small snag of a driving inhibiting surgery came up. Argh. I asked Mom and Stacie several times if they would be interested in going, but neither of them really seemed it and I don't want to make them do something they don't want to. So. It opens December 15th (this Wednesday) and the last day is January first. I really still want to go, but am afraid to buy tickets if I can't. So this is just me wondering if anyone would be interested in seeing it. No pressure, it's a bit pricey, and I know some of you have already seen it. Just throwing it out there. Night friends.