Ahem. I have to make an addition to the previous post. The title is in reference to the song by Charlotte Martin. I'm sure there was some significant reason at the time, but I really don't remember now. This one is in reference to the Straylight Run song. Encourage you to look it up and give it a listen :)
I'm very thankful for good friends. I mean, it's not that I don't have friends here, got asked to go out tonight, know that I can call them for almost anything, etc, but there's just something about those friends who know you to your core. Who, with a few words from you, will know that something is wrong and will call without hesitation no matter the time. It doesn't matter where they are, or how long it's been since you've seen or talked to them, they're there. And they'll love you no matter what. I'm thankful for you.
Tonight may end up being more other people's words than my own.
I've recently started (sporadically) reading My Utmost for His Highest again. It's interesting to me, always has been, but from the perspective I have now it's even more so. Anyway. Yesterday he talked about something interesting, that I'm not sure I completely understand but that piqued my interest regardless. The whole book is based in a paradigm that I'm not sure that I completely fall in line with. Well, I'm pretty much positive that I don't line up with it anymore. But I still think that there can be benefits from it. He spoke of consecration yesterday, about Matthew 6:30(ish) and whether we were experiencing the 'much more' that has been promised to us. "Consider the lilies of the field . . .” (Matthew 6:28). They grow where they are planted. Many of us refuse to grow where God plants us. Therefore, we don’t take root anywhere. Jesus said if we would obey the life of God within us, He would look after all other things. Did Jesus Christ lie to us? Are we experiencing the “much more” He promised? If we are not, it is because we are not obeying the life God has given us and have cluttered our minds with confusing thoughts and worries. How much time have we wasted asking God senseless questions while we should be absolutely free to concentrate on our service to Him? Consecration is the act of continually separating myself from everything except that which God has appointed me to do. It is not a one-time experience but an ongoing process. Am I continually separating myself and looking to God every day of my life?" The part of not taking root anywhere caught me. That's who I've been, who I've wanted to be for a long time. I love the traveling, the moving from place to place. Now, I don't think he's speaking solely on the physical here. But I'm the same in other ways as well. I have avoided making ties, emotionally and such, to those I have been around for the past how many ever years. I keep a 'safe' distance between others and myself. For me to let someone in is a miraculous event, one that happens fairly rarely. With those whom I have let in though, a beautiful thing has grown. There's a comfort, an astonishing beauty in the relationships with those who know me so well, know how to judge my every thought and movement and how to anticipate the next. Also interesting to me was the cluttering of our minds with confusing thoughts and worries. Oh dear. That's me - and several others I know - to a T. I understand the senseless questions. Now, like I said earlier, this isn't something that I totally fall in line with, agree with. Some of you know the journey I've been on for the past well, probably two-ish years now. It's one that I have stalled and pushed away so as to not deal with for the past probably 10 months. But in just this past month I have begun to confront it again. There's an entry in the making on all of that, but in all honesty I'm terrified to talk about it all. But I will. I need to.
I recently watched "It's Kind of a Funny Story" and I loved it. It's one of those that I'm sure not most people would like, but I did. A quote that I really liked:
"See, that's the part I don't get Craig. I mean...you're cool, you're smart, you're talented...you have a family that loves you, you know. What I would do just to be you just for a day. I would, I would do so much. I would...I don't know, I would just...I'd just live. Like it meant something."
Also at the end of the movie, when he's doing a voice-over, I loved what he had to say. There's no way that I could get all that down or that it would sound as neat out of context. But the whole idea of 'just live' is awesome to me. Falls in line with my wrist :)
A newfound favorite lyric of mine:
"Cause I've been trying way too long,
To try and be the perfect song,
When our hearts are heavy burdens,
We shouldn't have to bear alone."
As always, sorry so rambly, and I love you all.
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